I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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