??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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