Don't you send me to vm
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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