did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
