Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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