Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
