I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
