Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
