Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
