i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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