i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
