I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
