Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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