You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
