I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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