Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
