In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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