So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
