that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
