If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
