i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
