I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
