I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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