come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
