i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
