he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
