I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
