well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
