while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
