I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
