Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
