I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
