Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
