life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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