I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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