i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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