What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
