Pants 0. Shit 1.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
