dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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