Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
