i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
