you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
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Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
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apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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