Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
