Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
