he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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