Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize