When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
