If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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