If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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