Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
