I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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