I could make wine with my vomit
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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