you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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