So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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