What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
