I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
