Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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