Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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