He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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