OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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