He kissed a someone with a penis
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
