Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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