Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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