I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
