I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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