also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Randomize
